Parents may notice that a child enjoys being around other children but is not yet sure how to join their play, share an idea, take turns, or keep an interaction going. Another child may have one familiar friend but find it difficult to approach new children.
Friendship skills develop gradually through everyday experiences. Children learn how to notice other people’s interests, communicate, cooperate, manage small disagreements, and understand that friendships involve participation from both sides.
What Are Friendship Skills?
Friendship skills are the social abilities children use to build and maintain positive relationships with other children.
They can include:
- Approaching another child
- Starting an interaction
- Sharing interests
- Taking turns
- Listening and responding
- Joining play
- Cooperating during activities
- Respecting simple boundaries
- Handling disagreements
- Repairing an interaction after a problem
Children do not develop all these skills at the same time. A child may be confident starting play but still need help with turn-taking, while another may be comfortable following another child’s lead but hesitate to initiate interaction.
How Friendship Skills Develop
Children learn friendship skills through repeated opportunities to interact with others.
Early interactions may be quite simple. Young children might play alongside one another before they begin consistently sharing ideas or cooperating in the same activity.
As children grow, they gradually learn more complex patterns such as negotiating what to play, taking another person’s preferences into account, and finding ways to continue an activity together.
Adults can support this development by providing opportunities for children to interact without expecting every interaction to go perfectly.
Learning to Start a Friendship
Starting an interaction can be difficult for some children.
A child might not know how to approach another child or what to say after making contact.
Simple phrases can provide a starting point:
- “Can I play?”
- “Do you want to build this with me?”
- “What are you playing?”
- “Can I have a turn?”
Children can also learn that approaching someone does not always result in an immediate “yes.” Learning how to respond when another child is busy or wants to play something different is also part of developing social skills.
Learning to Take Turns
Turn-taking is an important part of shared activities.
Board games, simple ball games, building activities, and pretend play can create natural opportunities to practise waiting and responding.
Parents can model the sequence:
“My turn, then your turn.”
Over time, children can begin to understand that a shared activity involves giving another person an opportunity to participate.
Turn-taking does not have to be limited to formal games. Everyday conversations and shared activities also provide opportunities to practise.
Learning to Share Interests
Friendship often develops around something children enjoy doing together.
A child might show another child a drawing, talk about a favourite character, build something together, or invite someone into a game.
Children can gradually learn that friendship involves both sharing their own interests and showing interest in what another person enjoys.
Parents can model this by responding to a child’s interests while also encouraging them to notice another person’s ideas.
Learning to Cooperate
Cooperation involves working toward something together.
Building a tower, completing a puzzle, creating a drawing, or playing pretend can all involve cooperation.
Children may initially disagree about what to do. These disagreements can become opportunities to learn simple problem-solving skills.
For example:
“You want to build a house, and your friend wants to build a garage. What could you build together?”
The goal is not to prevent disagreements but to help children gradually learn ways of working through them.
Understanding Boundaries
Friendship also involves recognizing that other people have their own preferences and boundaries.
Children can learn that a friend may not always want to play the same game, share the same toy, or continue an activity.
Simple language can help:
“Your friend said no. Let’s find something else to do.”
This helps children understand that being friends does not mean always getting what they want.
Handling Small Disagreements
Disagreements are a normal part of children’s interactions.
A child may become upset because someone took a toy, changed the rules, or did not want to play in the expected way.
Adults can help children describe what happened and consider possible solutions rather than immediately solving every disagreement for them.
Depending on the child’s age, this might involve questions such as:
- “What happened?”
- “What do you think your friend wanted?”
- “What could you do now?”
- “Can you think of another way to play?”
The level of support should match the child’s developmental abilities.
Friendship Skills Develop Through Practice
Children do not need to master every social skill before they can make friends.
Small, repeated experiences can provide opportunities to practise different parts of social interaction.
Parents can encourage activities that naturally involve cooperation, such as:
- Building together
- Drawing
- Pretend play
- Simple board games
- Outdoor games
- Shared creative activities
- Cooking simple tasks together
Short, positive interactions can be just as useful as long periods of play.
When a Child Finds Friendships Difficult
Some children may consistently find social interaction challenging.
Parents may notice that a child rarely approaches peers, has difficulty responding to other children, struggles with turn-taking, or becomes upset during shared activities.
These observations do not by themselves explain why the child is finding friendship difficult.
If social participation continues to be a significant challenge across different situations, parents may consider discussing the broader pattern with an appropriately qualified professional. Looking at communication, play, emotional regulation, and other aspects of development together can provide a more complete picture.
Supporting Friendship Development at Home
Parents can model the kinds of behaviours they want children to learn.
For example, adults can demonstrate listening, waiting, asking questions, negotiating, apologizing when appropriate, and responding when someone disagrees.
They can also notice and acknowledge small examples of positive interaction:
“You waited for your brother to finish.”
“You asked your friend what game they wanted to play.”
This helps children connect their actions with successful social participation.
Friendship Skills Grow Over Time
Friendship is not a single skill that children either have or do not have. It develops through many experiences and becomes increasingly complex as children grow.
Starting an interaction, sharing an interest, taking turns, cooperating, respecting boundaries, and managing disagreements are all pieces of that development.
Giving children opportunities to practise these skills in comfortable, age-appropriate situations can help them gradually become more confident participants in social relationships.
Everyday Social Development at Neurobloom
Neurobloom Rehabilitation Centre provides developmental and therapy support for children where appropriate, including support that may consider communication, social participation, and everyday developmental skills as part of an individualized approach.
